Eccentric
by Kuriyami
Summary: PreRENT: Maureen and Mark are having a little bit of trouble. Roger's a smart ass, Collins likes his alcohol, and April and Benny show up as well. It's just a whole lot of fun. I love it when you review.
1. Right Where?

One day, I decided to write a little preRENT fic that was funny. Granted, it may not actually be that funny, but, heeey, it makes me smile. So, after sharing it with the livejournal community, I've decided to share this with you guys.

Disclaimer: I totally don't own RENT. Jonathan Larson totally does.

* * *

Mark and Maureen. God, what a couple. 

Roger sat down, a cup of coffee in his hands. He was ruffled from sleep, still half in a daze. He glanced at Mark's door with disdain. These walls were paper thin, and Roger was having enough trouble getting to sleep as it was. And Roger got moody when he didn't get his beauty sleep.

Granted, Roger was always sort of moody, but not getting sleep put Roger in a bad-moody-kinda day.

Maureen opened the door, yawning. She threw her arms out, stretching them, and then let them fall loosely at her sides. She walked up to the table where Roger currently sat, scratching her head before scrounging through the cabinets to find a mug. "Any more coffee left?"

"Meh," Roger said, bringing the coffee to his lips. Black. Usually he put something in it, maybe a little bit of cream, a pinch of sugar, but Roger was not feeling like having anything sweet to drink. Roger was pissed. And Maureen seemed to catch on instantly.

"Didn't get your beauty sleep, Mr. Davis?" she taunted, pouring the dark liquid into the mug. "Are we in a bad mood today? Did little ickle Roger get up on the wrong side of the bed this morning?" Roger glared at her as she sat down, smiling. She knew how to push his buttons.

"Yes, little ickle Roger got up on the wrong side of the bed this morning because someone was screaming his roommate's name all last night." Roger calmly took a sip of his coffee while Maureen practically choked on hers.

"I did not!" Roger raised an eyebrow, carefully setting his mug down. He cleared his throat.

"'Oh Mark! Mark! Please! Oh, God, yes!'" Roger mimicked in a high falsetto, banging the table with emphasis. Maureen turned red, and slammed her mug on the table, coffee jumping out.

"Roger! Roger, you asshole! I do not sound like that!" But that only egged Roger on to continue. It was too fun to see Maureen's face as he kept on with his act.

"Mark, yes, yes, YES! There, right THERE!"

"Right where?" Mark's dazed voice mumbled, reaching the two tablemates. He shuffled over, his glasses almost dangling off his nose. "What's going on?"

"We were just talking, Pookie," Maureen said, her voice sweet and pleasant, trying to get off the whole subject all together. But Roger, being himself, couldn't let it go just yet.

"Just talking about your sex life," Roger added. Maureen glared at him while Mark blushed, per usual, and gave him a somewhat surprised look.

"Why were you talking about that?" Roger opened his mouth, eager to explain, but Maureen went into drama-mode once again.

"Oh, Pookie, Roger's making fun of me!" she wailed, clinging onto the poor bespeckled blond. Mark raised his eyebrows, and gave Roger a look. Roger shrugged, unfazed.

"I can't help it if she screams so loud I can hear it as if I were in the room, watching."Maureen gave another loud wail, and Mark gave him a disapproving glare.

"Roger, be nice."

"Is that all you can say?" Maureen howled, throwing her arms up. Roger rolled his eyes and drank his coffee. "'Roger, be nice'!" Mark winced at her loud tone, but she wouldn't back down. "How about, 'Roger, why don't I grow some balls and stand up to you'? Or, 'Roger, how about you lay off my girlfriend'!" Mark's face flamed.

"Maureen, come on—" But she stomped off into the bedroom, making damn sure to slam the door shut. Ah, the usual morning routine. Roger chuckled as Mark whirled around to glare at him. "Are you happy? You made her angry at me. Again." He started to make tea. "Because you have to go and say stuff like that." Roger drained the rest of his warm coffee and looked at his friend.

"I say it because it's true." Mark turned to look at the guitarist, raising an eyebrow. Roger laughed, standing from the table. "I also say it to get a rise out of her, too. But it's because you guys are pounding away that I can't get any sleep. And when I don't get my sleep, I get cranky."

"Just like a girl," Mark said, and Roger placed his mug in the sink.

"I'll pretend you didn't say that, Mark Cohen," he said as Mark sat down with his tea bag in water, "because if you did, I'd have to think about seriously beating you up." Mark smiled.

"Sure, Roger. Sure." As Roger started to walk back to his room, Mark called out, "Hey! What are you planning to do today?" Roger shrugged, not bothering to turn around.

"Who knows?" And with that, he shut his door.

* * *

Collins came over later, after Maureen had left the loft to do god knows what. Collins had just bought a new place on his own with the money the university gave him. He had moved out just a couple weeks before, leaving Roger, Mark, and Maureen all to themselves. Mark sat on a stool, drinking tea, when Collins arrived. "Collins!" He smiled, and flopped down on the couch. 

"What's up, Mark? Where's Maureen and Roger? I thought we were all going to get drunk later." Collins looked at his watch. "Later meaning very soon." Mark shrugged.

"Roger's been in his room all day playing guitar, and Maureen stepped out for a few hours.

"Roger's been telling me you guys are having a good relationship so far." Mark's face grew hot. Roger and his huge mouth.

"God! When did he tell you that?" Collins chuckled.

"Oh, just a week or so ago. I came to visit, you two were out, and I hung out with Roger for a few hours. He told me all about his 'sleeping problem'." Mark thought his face couldn't get any redder.

"It's not my fault the walls are paper thin," he muttered, staring into his tea. Collins grinned.

"Is that why Maureen's out?" Mark shrugged.

"Roger was making fun of her this morning, and when I went into the room to tell her I was sorry, she was already dressed. She said, 'Sorry, Pookie, but I have to get out of this place.' She kissed me on the cheek and flew off." Collins smiled, as Collins often did.

"Ah, don't worry, Mark. Soon, all four of us will be smashed and she'll forgive you soon enough." Mark laughed.

"Thanks, Collins. I've always got to remember that drunken parties will solve everything." Collins laughed, and Roger opened his door.

"I thought I heard some college professor laughing out here."

"That's me," Collins replied. "What were you doing in your room for so long? Writing songs?"

"Getting sleep," Roger said honestly, smiling sheepishly when Mark gave him a hard glare. "What? It was the truth, dammit!"

"Enough, enough," Collins said. "The time is flyin', boys, and I'm in the mood to get drunk." Roger raised an eyebrow.

"Where would you get all the money from?" Collins winked, getting up from his seat.

"You know, if you program an ATM the right way, all kinds of riches will be bestowed upon one such as myself." Mark and Roger exchanged smiles as Collins opened the door. "Alright, come along, now, we've got no time to waste."

* * *

"What about Maureen?" Mark mentioned as they walked into the bar, taking a seat. 

"Maureen will find her way, I'm sure," Collins assured him, hushing Roger to any smart-ass comments he might have on the subject. "Tonight is all about having fun, getting drunk, and dancing the night away, my friends." As he had told them on the way there, the poor college professor was having a hard time of it at his university, about how the people there just weren't getting his theory at 'actual reality'. They told him to scrap it, but he would try getting to them. So, on this Friday after a week of hell, Collins was ready to drown his sorrows. Roger smiled.

"If Mark wants to dance the night away without Maureen." Mark blushed.

"Well, you know, I can't really dance."

"All you have to is move to the music," Collins said, swaying slightly to prove his point.

"Ah, it's okay," the Jewish boy said, "you guys can dance without me." Roger pouted mockingly.

"But, Mark, I live to watch you dance!" Mark shoved him, and both the other boys laughed. "Nah, I'm just joking with you," he said, mussing Mark's hair. "But I do love to see you go against your mother's good upbringing." Mark rolled his eyes.

"Oh, thanks," he said sarcastically, drinking more of the cheap beer that he currently held in his hand. Roger laughed, and Collins smiled.

"We all love to see you rebel, Mark. It's not often we get to see you do something your mother would probably faint at."

"When have we seen him do something like that?" Roger asked, raising an eyebrow. Mark smacked himself on the forehead as Collins actually proceeded to answer.

"Remember the time on his eighteenth, one of the first days we moved into the loft, we got wasted and Mark hadn't had a beer before?" Roger smiled.

"I also remember Mark wearing a sparkly hot pink shirt that night and dancing on the table." Mark began to protest, but Collins kept on.

"Or that time when I brought that joint, and we got Mark to smoke it?" Roger laughed.

"And he started talking about how he was actually Einstein reincarnated."

"Guys—" Mark began, but Collins still continued.

"Or when we brought him to a strip club?" Roger almost choked on his beer.

"And when he got so drunk he started to jump on stage with the stripers!"

"Guys—"

"And when he took his shirt off!" Collins added, Mark getting redder and more embarrassed by the second.

"Hey—"

"And when we got kicked out because he was getting more money than the girls!" Roger burst out, and him and Collins couldn't help but laugh uncontrollably. Mark slammed his beer hard on the table.

"I don't even remember that!"

"We do!" the two said in unison, and Mark blushed.

"What else have I done when I was drunk?" Collins and Roger opened their mouths, but they heard a voice behind them.

"What_ haven't_ you done when you were drunk, Pookie?" Mark turned around quickly in his seat, his face still read from embarrassment.

"Maureen! Where were you?"

"Oh, out and about," she replied before giving Mark one hell of a kiss. Roger rolled his eyes.

"Get a room." And, as an afterthought, he added, "Not Mark's room." The two shot daggers at him and he pretended not to notice, finishing off his drink while Collins chuckled.

"Let's dance, Marky," Maureen cooed, and Mark smiled, the pair getting up and getting lost in the dancing mob. Roger raised an eyebrow.

"I thought he couldn't dance." Collins smiled.

"Oh, he can dance when Maureen is around." The guitarist made a face.

"Okay, let's order a few more drinks. If there's one image I can't handle right now, it's Mark and Maureen grinding on the dance floor." Collins laughed.

"Mark and Maureen. What a pair." Roger looked to the dance floor, not able to see them.

"You wonder why a chick like her would go for a guy like him. I mean, they're pretty opposite."

"Yes," Collins mused, "but at least they're happy." Roger nodded.

"Thank god for small favors." The next round of beers appeared on the table, thanks to the fast-moving waitress.

"Cheers," Collins said, and the pair clinked glasses. If they had been looking at the dance floor as they drank, they might have seen Mark and Maureen dancing in the crowd.

* * *

Roger looked at the door. He squinted his eyes at the lock, and then rammed the key into the doorknob. "Fuck," he slurred. 

"Whattsa matter, Roger?" he heard Collins mutter.

"I can't...can't get the fucking key into the fucking lock." He squinted again. "It doesn't fit." Mark hiccuped.

"Lemme see." Somehow, Mark managed to stumble over, and before he could take the keys from Roger, he fell down. "Ow. God, I'm sooooo drunk right now." Collins laughed.

"Ohmigod, if we had driven tonight...but we don't have a car." The only words Roger heard was 'oh my god' and 'car', and Mark heard something like, "We should party all night at the local bar," and groaned at the thought of more alcohol.

"Where's Maureen?" Roger managed to ask, after dropping the keys by Mark's feet. Collins shrugged, but Mark spoke up as he twirled the keys around.

"She left early, said she was going to spend the night over her own apartment." Roger and Collins looked at each other, and attempted to make eye contact. Maureen spending the night over her place? Mark hiccuped happily, holding up a key. "This one should fit." But Roger and Collins still didn't feel right.

"Wait," Roger said as Mark finally got the key into the lock, and turned it.

"Maureen doesn't have her own place," Collins said, and Mark opened the door.

"Home sweet..." He trailed off. "Maureen?" Mark asked, his voice going a little bit too high. Roger and Collins looked in.

"Pookie, this isn't what it looks like!" Mark was starting to sober up a little at the sight of his girlfriend in the room with her shirt off with another guy and another girl. Collins winced. This wasn't going to be pretty. He was about to say something comforting to Mark, but before he could do so, Roger jumped in with a smart little quip.

"Well, it looks like you're about to have a threesome..." Roger glanced at Mark, who looked like he was about to murder him, and Maureen, who looked like she was going to kick his dead body around afterwards. "But, uh, that's just me." He looked to Collins. This wasn't going to be pretty.

* * *

I had to cut it off here, but there's more where it came from. Reviews to me are like smack to Mimi. You know what to do. 


	2. My Room!

I'm glad you guys liked the first part! Well, here's the next part. You'll get to see Roger and Collins drinking even more coffee, and the Mark/Maureen fight. God, how I love it.

Disclaimer: Nah, I don't own RENT, Jonathan Larson does, because he totally kicks ass.

* * *

Roger sipped his coffee. "Well. That went better than expected," he said, and Collins raised an eyebrow.

"Better than expected? Look, a half-sloshed Mark running around half-crying and half-yelling is not my idea of fun." Roger shrugged.

"Well...it was better than I expected." Collins became intrigued.

"And just what did you expect?"

"That they'd make up and I would never be able to sleep again." Roger sipped his coffee as Collins raised a weary eyebrow.

"Roger, I have a massive hangover. Don't fuck with my head." Roger chuckled.

"Honestly, I was hoping that everything would be okay. You know, that Mark would be too drunk too realize what was going on and all."

"Really? Did you actually dare to hope that Mark wouldn't recognize Maureen with a bunch of other practically naked people?" Roger met Collins's incredulous stare.

"Remember that time you had that dude over, and Mark was totally wasted and walked in on you guys?" Collins rolled his eyes.

"How could I forget? The boy was so drunk he though I had lost something and the guy behind me was trying to find it." Roger smiled.

"Exactly. Of course, since that time, Mark's developed a higher alcohol tolerance—"

"And who wouldn't with friends like us?" Collins grinned, and Roger nodded. "But, man, seeing him go crazy like that...I was surprised Maureen wasn't out the door."

"Well...all Mark managed to do was knock over a few pillows and probably annoy the people downstairs with all his stomping around. And after all that, he fell asleep on the couch," Roger finished, turning his head to glance at the passed-out film maker on the couch. "He didn't cause much havoc. Mark could never cause much havoc. It's Mark, for Christ's sake. The sweet little Jewish boy from next door."

"Well, now what?" Collins asked, also stopping to look at the sleeping Mark. "Maureen has broken his little heart, and is incidentally sleeping in your room."

"Which I would promptly like her out of," Roger replied, "because I never wanted the words 'Maureen', 'sleeping', and 'in my room' in the same sentence."

"So what are we going to do?"

* * *

What had happened the night before is that, after giving Roger murderous glares, Mark and Maureen then decided to have a huge argument. 

"Pookie," Maureen said with a sheepish smile on her face, "I love you—"

"What?" Mark said. "You love me, but you're about to have sex with not just one, but TWO people? Cheat on me with TWO people!" He slurred his words together, and both Roger and Collins could see this wasn't going to be pretty. Mark drunk was a funny thing. Extremely funny, in fact. But Mark drunk who just saw something that would threaten his relationship was not. Maureen walked up to her boyfriend, smiling, trying to calm him down.

"Marky, now, just hold on—" He shook her hands off.

"No, no, I don't want to hold on," he said, waving his hands out and walking away from her. "I want these people to get out of my loft!" He pointed just to the left of them, and both people looked at each other skeptically. Were they really supposed to listen to this obviously wasted guy with the scarf on his head? "Out!" Mark yelled, stamping his feet. "Out of my LOFT!" The poor boy was making a complete spectacle of himself, but he didn't care. Roger, who was just sober enough to know that these people weren't listening, walked up, and picked up the mound of clothes that was on the floor next to these two strangers, and threw it at them.

"You heard him," he said, giving them the best glare he could manage at the moment. "Get out of here." The couple glanced at each other, glanced back at the other four, and then quickly went out the door.

The instant it was shut, Mark whirled on Maureen. "_You_. You cheated on me."

"I was _about_ to cheat on you," she replied. "That's not the same thing." Anyone in their right mind could tell that Maureen was also very tipsy as well, being less inhibited with her words as she usually was with Mark. He pointed his finger at her.

"But you were just about to cheat on me! If I hadn't walked in here, you would have been cheating on me!" He paused. "In MY loft!"

"My loft, too," Roger protested, pouting in the corner. However, he quickly shut up with twin death glares from the angry couple.

"Well, I just wanted some excitement," she said. "Why are you such being such a square about this, Pookie! I just wanted a little fun!"

"I'm not being a square about this!" Mark yelled. "But you had to go and try and fuck people behind my back!"

"Ooh," Roger said quietly.

"What?" asked Collins as the battle raged on.

"Mark never uses 'fuck' to describe sex. He must be really mad," Roger slurred, and Collins nodded.

"You're right. He's serious."

"Jesus, Mark, it was just a harmless little screw!" Maureen screamed, hands on her hips.

"Yeah, but you're important to me!" Mark backed, starting to finally get to tears. "I mean, you're everything to me and then you just go have sex!" Pause. "For FUN!" He started knocking the pillows off the couch in a 'rage'.

"You take everything so fucking seriously, Marky!" Maureen screeched. "Sex isn't all that important!"

"It's important to ME!" he yelled, stomping his foot on the ground. "GOD. Don't go around sleeping with people!"

"Stop being such a bitch, then!" Maureen countered.

"Then you should stop being such a slut!" Mark threw, and all other three gasped. Mark had never insulted Maureen before, and never liked to say 'slut' to anybody ever.

"He must be _really_ drunk," Roger said, nudging Collins.

"Bastard!" Maureen cried.

"Hussy!"

"BITCH!" And with that, Maureen stormed into Roger's room and slammed the door.

"My room!" Roger cried out.

"Why do you care?" Collins asked.

"Because_ I'm_ certainly not sleeping with Maureen tonight," he quipped, "and I'd like to sleep in my bed." Mark huffed up, and the two stared at him. "Are you finished?" Roger asked. Mark glared at him.

"No," he yelled. Mark stomped his foot, looked around, glared at Roger's door, glared at Roger and Collins, then passed out on the couch. Collins looked at Roger.

"Now he's done."

* * *

Collins and Roger had awoken the next day to find the couple still knocked out, sleeping soundly in their respected places. Actually, the two had thought Maureen had up and gone until they discovered otherwise. Collins was brewing coffee when Roger went in his room to get dressed...then he heard Roger shout from the next room. Collins rushed to the door. "What the fuck's the matter, Roger? Mark's still sleeping." 

"She's still here!" Roger said, pointing to a hand visible from the comforter. "I was just about to get dressed when she rolls over! She scared the shit out of me! I thought she was gone," he said, glaring at the mass of Maureen and comforter.

"Ah, get dressed later," Collins said, gently shutting Roger's door behind him as Roger scampered out. "What's the deal, anyway? You don't hate Maureen, and I'm sure she's seen you in your skivvies before."

"Well, that was before she practically cheated on Mark, and _no_, Collins, Maureen's never seen me naked before," he huffed. Collins laughed.

"Don't get your panties in a bunch, Roger." Roger rolled his eyes and walked over to the counter, retrieving some coffee for himself. "So, what are we going to do with them?"

"Hope they have a massive memory loss because they drank so much alcohol and forget they ever fought in the first place." Roger sighed. "So much drama. I never cause this much drama with my girlfriends." Collins snorted. "What? I don't!"

"Well, let's just say you and Maureen can both be drama queens." Roger raised an eyebrow, and then sipped some coffee.

"I'm going to pretend I didn't just hear you say I was a drama queen, Collins," he said. "Because I'm totally not."

"You keep on living that lie, Roger," Collins chuckled, "that you aren't a drama queen." Roger pouted while Collins laughed. Then, they heard Mark moan on the couch.

"The sleeping beast awakens from its slumber," Roger announced, taking a big swig of coffee.

"Yeah, screw you too, Roger," Mark muttered, looking over at his two friends at the table.

"Ah, the morning hangover anger," Roger murmured, grinning. "How it brings out the best in you, Mark." Mark glared at Roger but didn't respond to his taunting. Instead, he turned to Collins.

"What happened and what time is it?"

"It's about nine in the morning. Pretty early," Collins added, considered what time they usually woke up. "What do you remember from last night, Mark?" Collins asked, and Mark scratched his head.

"I vaguely remember getting into a fight with Maureen because she was about to have sex with two people." Mark watched Collins and Roger exchange looks, and then groaned. "Oh god. What else happened? What did I do?"

"You called her a slut and a hussy and couldn't believe she would 'try and fuck people' behind your back," Roger chirped, and Mark looked at his face in horror.

"I said that?"

"Yes, and Maureen stormed into Roger's room after that," Collins added, and Mark smacked his forehead.

"I can't believe I said that to her."

"Believe it," Roger quipped. "You also stamped your foot a couple times and threw some pillows around." He gave Mark a serious look. "Really, Mark, you need to stop rampaging around the house every time you get angry. Beat-up pillows, cracked floorboards, I mean, seriously." Roger dodged as Mark swung at him.

"Asshole." Roger drank his coffee.

"That's what I'm here for." Collins pointed to Roger's door.

"Last time we looked, Maureen was still sleeping in Roger's room—"

"Didn't I say something about never using those words in a sentence ever again?" Roger said, glaring at Collins, who merely laughed and got up from the table to put his coffee mug in the sink. Mark looked at the door with apprehension.

"She'll bite my head off."

"Or maybe she'll aim lower," Roger suggested, and Mark's face turned pale. Collins lightly smacked the guitarist on the back on the head. "Heey!" he yelped.

"I'm sure if you just explain things," Collins said, "everything will be fine. Maureen may be a little crazy at times, but I'm sure she'll listen to you." Mark sighed, finally taking his gaze off the door.

"Well, better sooner than later." He took a deep breath, and opened Roger's door, shutting it behind him quietly. Roger finished his coffee.

"I wonder if he knew he was still wearing the scarf around his head."

* * *

Heh. Next: Mark and Maureen talk, and April finally shows up! Hurrah! 


	3. Brunch?

Eee! I'm glad people actually like this story! When I have time, I'll give props to the people to reviewed. Because, you know, reviews are like a drug to me. Seriously.

(Pss. It's a tiny secret, but I'm thinking of writing an epic fic about how everyone in RENT met. Now, this is a shush-shush thing; I'm not sure if it's going to go anywhere. But, if it does, it means _Eccentric_ might not be updated as often as it is now. Trust me, I've still gota few chaptersto post here, but I'm just wanring you guys ahead of time. Anyway. Please enjoy!)

**Disclaimer:** Jonathan Larson owns this cuties. I just make the funnies.

* * *

Mark opened the door quietly to Roger's room. True to their word, Maureen was fast asleep on Roger's bed. He could see her curly hair sticking out from the comforter. He walked over to the bed and sat down beside her, pulling some of the comforter down so he could see her face. God, you would never suspect someone as sweet-looking could be so wild. "Maureen," Mark said softly. "Maureen." 

"Hmn?" she murmured, still sleepy. "Five more minutes."

"Maureen," he said, still lightly shaking her awake, "we should talk."

"Pookie?" Maureen sat up, resembling Cousin It from the Addams Family. Mark laughed, pushing her hair aside so he could see her face. "Pookie, what is it?"

"I want to talk about last night." She smiled, and gave him a kiss on the cheek.

"What's there to talk about?" Either she was avoiding the issue, or she really didn't know what he was talking about.

"You know, when you had those people over—"

"Nothing happened," Maureen said brightly, wrapping her arms around Mark. She looked at his head, and laughed. "Pookie, why do you have a scarf on your head?" Mark looked up, and blushed.

"Er, I'm not too sure." He quickly took it off, and placed it aside. "I know nothing happened but..."

"But what?" she questioned, she face innocently curious. Mark sighed.

"But you were about to cheat on me."

"Marky, people have sex all the time. It's no big deal." Mark got up.

"What? No big deal?" Maureen frowned.

"What's the matter?" Mark stared at her as if he couldn't believe it.

"Maureen!"

"What?"

"You were about to cheat on me!" he said loudly, throwing his arms into the air. "Your _boyfriend_!"

"I don't think of it as cheating," she said simply. "It's just having fun."

"You're supposed to have fun with _me_," Mark said, pouting. Maureen got up, and put her arms around Mark's neck. She couldn't stand when he looked like this.

"Pookie, if you don't want me to do it, I promise I won't have sex for fun anymore." Mark looked at her hopefully.

"You promise?" She nodded.

"Would I say 'I promise' if I didn't mean 'I promise'?" He smiled like a little schoolboy, and Maureen couldn't help it. God, he was cute. "But for the meantime, why don't you and I have fun?" She giggled, and Mark blushed.

* * *

Roger and Collins both glanced at the door. Roger made a little noise, and Collins looked at him. "What is it?" 

"I want to get dressed." Collins rolled his eyes.

"Well then, go get some clothes."

"But they're in my room."

"So?"

"I don't want them attacking me." Before, they had heard a slight shout, but after that it was pretty quiet. Collins sighed.

"Look, if they start attacking you, just politely say you're just there to get clothes." Roger snorted.

"It's MY room."

"Go get your clothes, boy!" Collins said, laughing. Roger sighed, and walked to the door. He glanced at Collins, and then quickly opened the door.

"Look, I'm sorry but I just needed some clothes—" Roger cut himself off. He blinked, and then stuck his tongue out. "Oh, no way. No WAY! You guys are NOT having sex on my bed, are you?" Mark blinked at Roger, and Maureen just shrugged. "NO. Not on MY bed." He pointed out the door. "No, no, no. There will be no sex on my bed unless I'm involved."

"Would you like to join in?" Maureen asked sarcastically, and Roger made a face. Maureen laughed. "C'mon, Pookie, we'll go into your room." Collins watched as a shirtless Mark was paraded out the door by a Maureen in her underwear, and chuckled at the sight. Before they shut the door to Mark's room, however, Roger poked his head out his door.

"Keep that in MARK'S room from now on!" Collins heard Maureen giggle, and Roger huffed, shutting his door. Collins smiled.

"Glad that's settled."

Roger came out a few minutes later, fully dressed, though he was frowning. Collins looked at him. "What's the matter?" Roger sat down in the chair beside the college professor, his arms crossed.

"I can't believe they were about to have sex in my room. I mean...it's fine in their room. But why? Why must they do the dirty on MY bed?" Collins laughed.

"Drama queen." Roger sent him a glare. "What are you going to do today, now that the Maureen and Mark situation is settled?"

"April's comin' over," Roger said. "We're going to have brunch somewhere, and she said she'd meet me here."

"That new girlfriend of yours?" Collins asked. "Why haven't I met her yet?"

"You haven't been around enough! I've brought her around the loft a couple of times. Mark likes her, and she got along fine with Maureen. But I haven't seen her in a few days because she had to go over her parents to visit and stuff." Collins paused.

"Brunch? Since when have you eaten brunch?" Roger raised an eyebrow.

"I don't know." Collins grinned.

"Since when did you know the word 'brunch'? I didn't even think you would include that in your vocabulary."

"Oh, shut up, Collins," Roger said. "Just because I've never said 'brunch' before doesn't mean I don't like it." Collins stared at Roger for a few seconds. "What!"

"I remember one time when I said I was going to have brunch with a friend, and you said, 'Brunch? What the _fuck_ is brunch?' I said, 'Well, it's a time to eat between breakfast and lunch.' And you replied, 'That has to be the most stupidest thing I have ever heard. Brunch. What the fuck? Why not just have lunch?'" Roger glared at Collins, who merely laughed.

"I'm glad you keep record of everything I say, asshole."

"I can't help that you're such a queen about things like brunch."

"Can we just get off the subject of brunch!" Roger said, throwing his hands up in the air. And, as if on cue, there was a knock at the door. "I'll get that," he said eagerly, jumping from the table. Collins just sat back quietly, smiling. "April!" Roger said. "I'm so glad you're here."

"'I'm so glad you're here'?" Collins heard April say behind him. "Since when have you said that to anybody?" She laughed, meaning Roger must have made some kind of face.

"I swear, I do something a little different, and everybody notices."

"We're just used to the usual Roger," she said, and he smiled.

"I'd like you to meet a close friend of mine," said Roger, walking with April to the table. "This is Tom Collins."

"But everyone just calls me Collins," he said, smiling. "April, right?"

"The one and only," she replied, shaking his hand. April smiled. "How long have you known Roger?"

"Longer than most," Collins said, grinning back. He loved the shade of her hair. "How was your parents?" She blinked, and then laughed.

"Oh, Roger must have told you. Fine, okay, nothing special." She glanced around. "Where's Mark? I brought some tea for him." She held up a plastic bag, and Roger smiled, wrapping his arms around her waist and kissing her neck.

"Did you bring anything for me?" She laughed.

"Oh, all seductive when I hold a grocery bag, huh?" Collins chuckled. "In fact, I did bring you coffee...and a special something." She held out the bag, and Roger took it, looking through it. His face brightened up as he placed his hand into the shopping bag, and pulled out a Milky Way.

"God, I love you." He started to kiss her, and both Collins and April laughed. Suddenly, they heard a door open.

"Why is everyone laughing?" he said, scratching his head.

"Why, if it isn't the sex beast," Roger said, "greeting us in his uniform! Yes, April, now the age old question is answered for you; Mark does, in fact, wear boxers, and not briefs." Mark noticed April was here, and blushed heavily, noticing he was indeed in his underwear. He hadn't even thought about it when he walked through his door, he just did.

"I-I'm sorry, if I had known—"

"Don't worry about it," April said, going up to Mark and giving him a kiss on the cheek. "I brought you tea." She handed him the plastic bag, and the film maker's face lit up in delight. "And, hey, you look sexy in those boxers," she added, winking. Mark blushed again and Roger grabbed April from behind.

"Don't try and steal my girlfriend away, Mark," he said, pulling her close to him. "I always told you that girls could never resist you in your boxers. Now hurry, put some pants on before April can't stand your sexiness anymore!" They all laughed, including Mark, who smiled bashfully.

"For once, I think I'll follow your advice, Roger. It's nice to see you April," he added.

She was about to reply, but Roger shouted, "No, Mark, please! Hurry with the pants! Your hotness is starting to overwhelm even _me_!" He pretended to faint as Collins and April laughed. As Mark was about to go in, Maureen came out, fully dressed. She kissed Mark.

"I'll see you later, Pookie, okay?"

"Where are you going, Maureen?" Collins asked, and she smiled.

"Ah, off to work." She noticed April, and smiled. "Haven't seen you around the loft lately!" April grinned.

"Parents." Maureen rolled her eyes.

"Tell me about it. Well, stick around, and later we'll have a beer and talk about our boyfriends." She nudged April and winked, then the two girls laughed. "I'll see you guys later!" And with that, she was out the door. Roger smiled at April.

"Well, shall we go have brunch?" Collins laughed, and Roger glared at him. "Shut your face, Collins."

"Aw, don't be mean, Roger!" April said, and looked to Collins. "What are you laughing about, anyway?"

"Nothing, babe," Roger said, taking her hand and gently pulling her to the door. "Collins is just being Collins. We should go, anyway."

"Bye!" April managed to get out before Roger shut the door behind them. Collins laughed. Well, kids will be kids.

* * *

Next: Some Benny comin' at cha. And he's funny, I promise. 


	4. So Sexy It's Cute!

Ah! I love you people. Really. I know this part is horribly short, but the next part is better. Benny and Roger banter. Ah, I love it!

Please enjoy. 3.

**Disclaimer:** I'm afraid I don't own any of these characters. All Jonathan Larson's.

* * *

Benny poked his head in the loft. "Ho, ho, ho!" he said, smiling.

"Benny!" Collins and Mark said in unison.

"What's up?" He stepped in, and Collins whistled.

"Whoa. That's a suit if I ever saw one. What's happenin'?" Benny looked down, and rolled his eyes.

"Ah, it's for Allison. Her dad wants to meet me later on today, and she told me to be 'on call', just in case he wanted to get together early." He looked down at the suit again, then smiled. "But I do look damn good in it, if I do say so myself." While Benny took time to pretend like he was on a catwalk, Mark got on his coat. He looked at Benny and laughed.

"Why don't you just sing 'I'm Too Sexy' while you're at it?" Benny paused, and then started to sing.

"I'm too sexy for my suit, too sexy for my suit, so sexy it's cute!" Mark and Collins burst out laughing as Benny continued to dance around a little more, then stopped, chuckling. "What are you guys doing, anyway?"

"Ah, we were going to go down to the café," Collins said, "and, you know, even though we can't get anything, just relax and all." Benny smiled.

"Well, let me treat you to lunch. Allison lent me a few dollars, and what better way to spend it than with you guys?" Collins and Mark looked at each other, then hugged, pretending to sob.

"Oh Benny," Collins mock-wept, "you're too kind to us!"

"Ah, shut up, or I'll starting singing 'I'm Too Sexy' again." And they all laughed and went out the door.

But Mark came back in the loft quickly to fetch his camera, and then shut the door behind him.

* * *

Roger and April walked along with their hot dogs. She looked at him. "Brunch, huh?" Roger blinked at her. 

"What? This is brunch?" April laughed.

"Roger, this is a hot dog. You don't have hot dogs for brunch."

"I do," he said, stuffing one end into his mouth. "I always have hot dogs for brunch," he mumbled.

"Babe, do you even know what brunch is?" she said, raising an eyebrow.

"Can't we just get off the subject of brunch?" Roger pouted, and April kissed his forehead.

"Sure." He gave her a glance, then wrapped her up in a hug.

"See? That's why I love you, April. You know when to give me space." He nuzzled her neck and she yelped.

"Roger! Before you decide to nestle into my neck like that, remember to shave!" He paused, and then did it again. "Roger! Asshole!"

"That's what I'm here for," he replied, and they laughed and struggled until they hit someone lightly.

April smiled bashfully. "God, I'm so sorry—"

"Maureen?" Roger said, an eyebrow raising. April did a double take. It was Maureen...with a young woman that she had never seen before. "Hey, I thought you were at work." Maureen turned red. She looked back and forth between the young woman and Roger and April before Roger grinned and replied. "Oooh. _That_ kind of work, huh?"

"Shut up, Roger!" both Maureen and April chided, and Roger just rested his head on April's.

"So, what are you going to tell Mark?"

* * *

Benny had gone through several stanzas of 'I'm Too Sexy' before Collins finally stuffed a roll into his mouth and told him to quit it. Mark had filmed the whole thing, and Benny looked into the lens. "Mark, why don't you get a new camera?" he asked. 

"I like my camera," Mark pouted, giving it a quick hug. Collins and Benny laughed.

"No, seriously. You do shoot some great footage. It would be so much better on a better camera."

"Nah, I like my camera."

"Are you sure? I mean I'm sure—" Mark looked up and gave him 'the look'. Benny and Mark had the 'camera' conversation many times before. And no matter how many times they had this conversation, Mark would always end it with what Collins dubbed 'the look'. Really, it was a glare that said, "Oh my god shut up about my camera or I just might have to hurt you." Since Mark would never actually say that, Collins always explained, 'the look' says it for him. And Collins chuckled at the two former roommates.

"I hear you're getting married to Allison soon." Benny held up his left hand.

"Already taken," and both boys smiled.

"When?" Mark asked, and Benny grinned.

"Three weeks ago. We were planning on having the wedding next week, but we decided to hurry it up." Collins and Mark clapped.

"Finally!" Benny pretended to bow, and smiled.

"It's because no woman can resist my charms, boys. No woman." Mark scoffed.

"How come the first time you hit on Allison, she slapped you?"

"She's fiesty," Benny replied, "and because she loves me so much she couldn't stand it." Mark and Collins exchanged looks. "Hey, hey, it's true!"

"So where'd you get the money from?" Collins asked as they got their orders. "I know Allison's rich, but I also know she wouldn't give you money for nothing." Benny bit into his hamburger.

"I'm workin' for her dad," he said, and Mark's eyes grew wide.

"Her dad! Wasn't that the guy you told us 'is completely evil and is going to be Satan's bitch when he goes to hell'?" Benny nodded.

"The very one. However, Allison said I should get on his good side by joining his real estate company." He took another bite of his hamburger, then grinned. "Do you know I now totally own your building?" Collins smiled.

"No shit?"

"No shit! That's why I'm meeting with her dad today in my oh-so-sexay suit." He winked. "I figured, hey, I could help you guys out since you let me live there, you know?" Mark smiled, ecstatic.

"Wait 'til Roger hears about this! He'll be floored!"

"Where is he? I was hoping for some banter with him before I was called off to meet with Allison's dad." Collins grinned.

"He went to brunch with his girlfriend." Benny raised an eyebrow.

"Brunch? Roger doesn't even know what the fuck brunch is, much less actually participate in it."

"I know."

"And when did he get a girlfriend? Is she drugged or something?" The guys laughed.

"No, it actually looks as if she is sane and sober," Mark replied, "and it looks like she really does like him." Benny shrugged.

"Then I blame it on animal magnetism. That boy's got it." Benny looked at the table, and smiled. "Well, shall we pay the check and go? I want to go see the loft before I have to go."

And so they did just that, and went out the door, Mark resuming to film as they went out the door.

* * *

And now, the reviews! I figured I'd put this at the end. And even if you're not listed, everyone who reviews get chocolate (or other tasty things), because it does make me want to write more when I see that. So, thank you, everyone.

_L.M. Ward_ - My first review! LOVE!  
_To No Absolutes -_ Mark drunk is _always_ funny in my eyes.  
_eLpHaBaFaBaLaElPhIeFaE_ - Yeah, I know it can get pretty confusing. Work with me in the meantime, though; I'll fix the next parts, try and make them less confusing.  
_Eponine Poe_ - Yes, I do make grammatical errors all the time. And it really irks me because I only seem to catch them when I go back and read it after it's already uploaded! Gah, it kills me. But I'm glad you like it!

I'm glad everyone thinks it's funny! You know your reviews make me all fangirly. And the parts will get longer, eventually, I promise!


	5. Respect My Mind

Sorry I haven't updated, but I was a tad sick over the weekend, therefore I did nothing but sit on the couch and watch TV with my dog. But, it's here! Chapter Five, my god!

In this wonderful little section, you'll find Roger and Benny verbally duking it out (playfully, of course), and Collins loves spaghetti. Enjoy!

(And yes, Roger is a total asshole. But that's why I love him!)

* * *

Roger and April were at the loft talking when the three came in. The first thing to come out of Roger's mouth was, "Well look who it is, Mr. Big Business himself, dressed in a suit! Muffy's little lapdog, huh?" Benny grinned. 

"And the asshole guitarist, somehow still managing to pick up girls despite all of his shortcomings." Roger scoffed.

"Shortcomings? Benny, I have no shortcomings." Benny laughed.

"That's what they all say." He winked at April. "Your girlfriend knows what I'm talking about, don't you?" April laughed and Roger glared.

"Don't make me kick your ass, Benny. I'll mess you and your suit up."

"Oh, please! Not the suit, Roger, anything but the suit!" Everyone laughed, and Benny leaned against a wall. "Besides, I need to keep this suit clean. I've got a meeting with Allison's dad."

"Satan's bitch?"

"The one and only." Roger laughed.

"Oh, man. That sucks worse than anything I could say. Muffy's dad is a monster." Benny pouted.

"Hey, you know, I am the son-in-law to this monster."

"You're the one who nicknamed him bitch of the underworld."

"True." Mark took off his jacket and smiled and April.

"How was brunch?" April shook her head.

"The boy wouldn't know the meal if it hit him on the head." Mark laughed and Roger looked up.

"I swear to God, one more mention of brunch and I'm jumping out the window."

"No need to jump out any windows, babe," April replied. "We ate hot dogs," she whispered, and when Mark made a face, she giggled.

"That's Roger for you," he said, taking Roger's empty seat.

"For your information, Roger," Benny was saying, "I look damn fine in this suit." Roger snorted.

"I look better in my outfit than you will ever look in a suit. I mean, I'm like fucking clothed sex right here."

"Please. You're all scruffy and probably haven't taken a shower in days. I, however, am spiffy-looking and squeaky-clean." Roger pouted.

"I took a shower last night, Mr. Clean!" He folded his arms over his chest. "You only _wish_ you could be as sexy as I am." Collins chuckled, sitting next to April and Mark.

"This is too amusing to stop." Both nodded their heads, amused. Roger and Benny had always engaged in this playful banter from almost the first time they met. And it was always about who was more attractive.

"I don't have to wish, Roger, I already am," Benny countered, blowing on his chuckles and rubbing them against this chest.

"Sexier than me? I've got a girlfriend."

"My girlfriend married me." Roger raised an eyebrow.

"No shit!" Benny held up the ring. Roger snorted. "What did you promise her? Your soul? Or else Muffy's brainwashed." Benny laughed, holding his hands up.

"Alright, alright. I'll give you this round, Mr. Davis. But next time...next time, I'm gonna win." Roger grinned.

"Don't bet on it."

"Do you know Benny owns our building now?" Mark chirped, smiling. Roger looked at Benny.

"Two surprises in one day! You're kidding me."

"I kid you not, Roger. I'm two steps away from owning this building."

"Who did you have to fuck to get this piece of shit?" Benny winked.

"You don't want to know." Roger laughed.

"Why don't you stay over, Benny? We'll have a few drinks, get plastered. It'll be great." Benny smiled, but shook his head.

"Trust me, as much as I would love to engage in drunken activities with my former roomies, the call of the devil's whore is upon me, and Allison would kill me if I didn't meet her dad." Roger shrugged.

Collins spoke up, "Well, there will always be drunken activities waiting for you when you come back," and they all laughed. Maureen came in, smiling.

"What's up?" She looked around and her eyes landed on Benny. "Whoa. What's with the suit? Who did you blow to get that?" Benny laughed.

"Maureen. Have you been smoking the crack rock lately again? I told you that was bad for you." Maureen laughed, and held her arms out; plastic bags dangled from her arms.

"Come give me a hug, you bastard." They embraced, and she gave him a friendly kiss on the cheek.

"What's in the bags, Maureen?" Mark asked as she placed them on the table.

"Lunch!" she announced, and took her treats out of the bags. Collins smiled.

"Maureen, I might just have to marry you. My favorite meal! Spaghetti and meatballs." They all laughed, and she gave Collins the first plate.

"Well, I asked them if I could take any extras home from the cafeteria, and they gave me two plastic bags full." Maureen worked at a huge restaurant in a food court. Sometimes there would be enough left over that she could take some home, which the boys loved. It was a temporary job, however, and she was trying to leave it as soon as she could. But, until she could leave it, Maureen was happy with the free food perk, especially with two hungry guys.

"Maureen, have I told you how much I love you lately?" Roger said, smiling. Maureen rolled her eyes.

"Suck-up."

"I'll do anything for food." They all laughed. "Want some?" Roger asked Benny, holding up a plate.

"Sorry," Benny said as a small beeper went off, "but that's my cue to scoot on out and face the fires of hell. I'll try and come by tomorrow, okay? Maybe bring Allison."

"Muffy?" Maureen said, perking up at the name. "I haven't seen her in seven forevers! Tell her I say hi!"

"Yeah, yeah, I'll see you later!" Benny said, and he was quickly out the door. Mark gave Maureen an affectionate kiss on the cheek.

"Thank you for the food," he said, and Maureen wrapped her arms around his neck.

"Anything for my Pookie," she said, giving him a huge smooch. Roger made a gagging noise.

"Not while I'm eating!" he said, and Collins and April laughed while Mark and Maureen gave Roger cold glares. "Please. I lose enough sleep as it is," he continued, "please don't deprive me of my lunchtime." Maureen walked over and whapped Roger on the back of the head. "Heeey! April! Did you see that? Boyfriend abuse!"

"It's because you're such a smart-ass," April replied with a smile, and Roger winced, as if she had punched him. Maureen laughed.

"Roger's denied the girlfriend back-up! What's he going to do now?" she taunted, and he just raised an eyebrow.

"Keep on being an asshole like I always am. But this might mean I'll have to reserve sex for a few nights from my girlfriend." The whole table laughed.

"That's one I haven't heard before, Roger," Collins said. "A boyfriend saying no to sex from his girlfriend."

"I know, it's desperate," said Roger, "but, sometimes you just gotta draw the line. I mean, enough is enough sometimes. All she thinks about is sex, I swear. I mean, I can't help it if I'm so fucking sexy girls can't keep their hands off of me, but, c'mon, my body is not an object. April can't just use me for sex anymore, she's got to learn to respect my mind." As Roger finished, everyone looked at each other in silence. And then they proceeded to laugh their asses off. "What? What is this!"

"Oh, _please_," Maureen gasped. "Respect your mind? Oh god, that's cracks me up!" He pouted.

"What! I can't help it if people can't look past my foxy exterior to the real Roger inside." Again, more laughter. "Assholes!" Roger shouted, pointing to them all as they were gasping for air, holding their stomachs. "It's a curse having looks as good as these!" April flung her arms around Roger, giggling.

"Oh, sweetie, it's a curse all right. Now why don't you shut that pretty little mouth of yours and keep eating like a good boy?" Roger pouted, and shrugged.

"Okay. Because I love you so much." And April kissed the top of his head as he stuffed a mouthful of spaghetti into his mouth.

"Did you do anything exciting today, Maureen?" Mark asked, and Maureen smiled.

"Nothing out of the ordinary, Pookie."

Out of the corner of their eyes, Roger and April gave each other a quick glance.

* * *

The last part was kind of an excuse for Roger to say 'foxy'. Because, you know, no one uses that word anymore! And it's such a good word too. 

Next section I'll put reviews up again! You know I'm a total slave to reviews.


	6. Marry Me and Have My Babies!

Sorry I'm so late with this chapter. I'm lazy.

Roger doesn't get sleep. Again. The poor boy. (And he's not dumb. If that's the way it seems, I'm sorry and I don't mean it to come off that way. Roger is not dumb, I swear. He's just a drama queen sometimes. And an asshole. Because...that's Roger. He's a foxy beast indeed. Haha!)

You know I don't own any of these characters. And hurrah! This part is semi-long! Please enjoy.

* * *

Roger glared at his cup of coffee the next morning. April was still sleeping soundly on the couch; her and Collins had gotten into a conversation about philosophy, and it was making Roger fall asleep. April wanted to stay and talk to Collins, saying she would come into Roger's room when she felt tired, but it seems both passed out in their respective places, April on the couch and Collins on the floor. Roger, of course, didn't get any sleep. He kept glaring into his coffee cup until Mark came out of his room, yawning. "'Morning, Roger," he whispered, careful not to wake the sleeping scattered in the loft. Roger glared at him. "What?" Mark asked, and blinked a couple times before blushing. Without saying anything, he turned to the stove to heat some water. 

"Do you know how much sleep I got last night?" Roger muttered, and he could tell Mark wasn't listening. "Do you know how much sleep I got last night, Mark?" he repeated, and Mark turned around.

"How much, Rog—" Mark froze mid-sentence as Roger got up from his chair, and walk over to the filmmaker, grabbing the neck of his shirt.

"I got NO sleep, Mark," he muttered, tightening his grip on the shirt. "No sleep. You know why?"

"Look, Roger, you know, you could have moved out of your room—"

"You were fucking your girlfriend the ENTIRE FUCKING NIGHT!" Roger said in a low growling voice. "I got zero action last night because April and Collins decided to have a deep conversation." He paused. "So, not having gotten any sex and hearing you get it all last night has put me in a very bad mood." He pulled the shirt tighter and Mark squirmed.

"Roger, look, you know, you could always sleep out here when we do that—"

"Then I'd be sleeping on the couch the whole time!" Roger yelled.

"Hush!" Mark said, clamping his hand over Roger's mouth. "What the fuck is the matter with you?"

"I got no fucking sleep last night, that's what's the matter with me!" he growled, and suddenly felt a hand slide down his shirt.

"What's the matter, Roger?" Maureen cooed into Roger's ear, and Roger glared at her. He gently shrugged Maureen off, and continued to glower at her.

"You screaming all night." Maureen merely smiled.

"Well, I can't help it if you don't have great sex like Mark and I do." Mark sighed, his face flaming. He turned back to his tea and Maureen and Roger faced off.

"I don't have it all the fucking time," Roger replied, and Maureen grinned.

"Because you can't get any half the time." He fumed, and Maureen was glad to get the chance to get back at him after before, when he teased her the morning or so before.

"Be glad I'm so tired, or else I would totally verbally kick your ass right now, Maureen." Roger sat back down at the table, and drank some of his coffee. Maureen laughed.

"I'll be waiting, Roger," she said, then turned to Mark. "Pookie, I'm going out today. I'll be back late, since I've got an extra shift today."

"Okay," Mark said, and Maureen kissed him on the cheek.

"I'll try and bring back something special when you come back, alright?" Mark smiled, and Maureen pinched his cheek softly. "God, I just want to throw you down when you smile like that." Roger made a gagging noise behind them and Maureen just rolled her eyes. "I'll see you, Marky." And she went back in Mark's room to get dressed.

"That girl does nothing but go out," Collins said, sitting up. He stretched, and walked to the table, sitting across from Roger. He looked at Roger, then to Mark, and laughed. "Didn't get any sleep, huh, Roger?"

"Piss off," Roger snapped, which made Collins laugh harder. "You were distracting my girlfriend, thank you very much."

"We told you we wanted you in the conversation," Collins replied, but Roger snorted.

"It was five in the morning, and you two were talking about religion. I'm sorry, but that conversation doesn't spark my mind at five in the morning."

"So you went in your room to try and sleep?" Roger glared at Mark, who took a seat closer to Collins.

"The keyword in that question being 'try'. I _tried_ to get some sleep."

"What are we going to do today, guys?" Mark asked, eager to get the conversation off Roger's inability to get a good night's rest.

"Well, I thought Benny and Muffy were coming over," Collins mused. "It is your birthday tomorrow, after all, Mark." Mark blinked.

"My birthday?" Roger looked at Mark, then smiled, punching him hard in the shoulder. "Hey!"

"Mark, that's right! You're twenty-two tomorrow, you lucky boy! This is your last day as a twenty-one year old!" Mark rolled his eyes, and looked into his tea.

"That just means I'm getting older," he said sadly, and Collins patted his back.

"Ah, you're getting wiser," Collins corrected, and Mark gave him a thankful smile. "Besides, you're wiser than Roger is, and he's a year older."

"Fuck you," Roger said playfully, and Mark laughed.

"Roger, language," April said loudly from the couch, lifting her finger in the air and wagging it.

"Since when did you care about language, April?" he asked as she came over and wrapped her arms around his neck.

"I don't," she replied, "but it's so early in the morning. Usually you don't let out a 'fuck' until about...noon."

"But this is a special occasion—" Roger started to say, and Mark cut him off quickly, knowing the ending of his sentence would probably be about how he didn't get any sleep and the reason why.

"—because my birthday is tomorrow." April lit up.

"That's great, Mark!" She went over and kissed him on the cheek, hugging his head and knocking off his glasses in the process. Roger leaned over.

"The only reason I let April smash your head into her breasts is because it's your birthday tomorrow," he said, and April hit him lightly on the head while Mark blushed as he put his glasses back on. "Heey!" Roger said, pouting slightly.

"Don't be so mean, Roger. I'll 'smash your head' into my breasts if you really want." Roger lit up.

"Alright. I'm ready." They all laughed as April hugged Roger's head to her, and Roger wrapped his arms around her legs and pulled her into his lap as she let go of his head. He kissed her on the cheek. "You always know how to make me feel better, baby."

"It's 'cause I know you too well, Roger Davis," she said, poking him gently on the nose. Mark shook his head, taking his nearly empty tea mug to the sink.

"As much as I love seeing Roger and April be all fluffy and happy," he said, "I'm going to go change out of my pajamas now, if no one minds." April smiled.

"But, Mark, the duckies on your pants are so cute."

"Mark, what did I say about wearing that stuff in front of April?" Roger said, hugging her close to him. "Now, stop this sexiness in your pajamas or else I'll have to give you your birthday punches early." April hit Roger again, and Mark and Collins just laughed.

"Well, I have to go home," Collins said, getting up from the table. "I'm in the mood to change clothes. I'll be back soon," he said, and with that, Collins too had left. April kissed Roger lightly on the lips, rising from his lap.

"I'm going to go take a shower, okay?" she said, ruffling his hair before going into the bathroom. Roger looked around, and pouted slightly.

"Well, don't everyone go at once now."

* * *

Benny came into the apartment to see Roger clawing at the bathroom door. "Pleeeeease," he whimpered, jiggling the doorknob. Benny was about to ask him what in the hell he was doing, but then he heard a voice on the other side of the door. 

"Roger, not now, I'm trying to take a shower." That girlfriend of his; the voice was too high to be Mark's.

"But, please, April, let me in. I...I have to go to the bathroom." Benny heard muted laughter.

"I know you don't have to. Piss in a plant or something. You're a guy."

"April, you're so heartless!" Roger whimpered. "I want to go in the bathroom. Please let me in!"

"No, you just want to get in the bathroom to get in the shower with me. I see through your ploys, Mr. Davis." Benny snickered silently as Roger cussed slightly to himself.

"Pleeeease, April? Let me in for two seconds."

"Roger! I'm taking a shower! I don't want to have sex right now."

"You could do both at once."

"_Roger_!"

"Alright, alright, I'll wait for you." Roger, defeated, walked over to the couch and plopped down, pouting. Benny leaned against the doorframe.

"Who just got shut down, hmn?" Benny taunted, and Roger whirled around.

"Heeey. Don't mess with me. I haven't gotten any sleep."

"Or any sex."

"If you say anything more, I think I could just kick your ass with my guitar," Roger replied, and Benny laughed.

"Why don't we refrain from the violence? Alison's here." Roger brightened up, smiling.

"Heeey! Where is Muffy?" Benny motioned down the stairs.

"She's struggling. You know, she might have gained a few pounds since you last saw her." Roger heard a voice as he walked over to the door where Benny was standing.

"BENNY! Tell me I didn't just hear you call me fat."

"I didn't just call you fat," he replied. "I said you were even more beautiful than the last time Roger saw you." Alison smiled.

"You dirty liar," she said, laughing. "Roger, come here, baby. I haven't seen you at all!"

"Muffy!" he cried, falling dramatically into her arms as she came through the doorway. "Muffy, you know you want to marry me and have my babies." Alison laughed as Benny pouted.

"You know I do. Because they'd be the cutest babies ever, right?" Roger snorted.

"'Cute'? Muffy, we'd have the sexiest fucking kids on the block." Alison laughed harder and kissed him on the cheek. Benny came over and wrapped his arms around her waist.

"Okay, enough flirting with my wife, there, Roger. Just because you're horny doesn't mean you can persuade my wife to do you." Alison grinned.

"Ohhh. So that's why you've been acting so nice to me." Roger glared.

"Benny, if your wife wasn't here right now, I might have to kill you." Mark then decided to emerge from his room, and Alison squealed in delight.

"MARK!"

"Alison?" Mark said, and laughed as she pounced on him, knocking the poor boy on the couch. "How have you been?"

"Oh, same old, same old. How are you, sweetie? I haven't seen you in forever!" Mark smiled, pushing his glasses onto his face.

"I've been doing fine." Alison gave him a hug.

"Mark!" Roger yelled. "What did I tell you about being sexy? You'll steal all the girls away! Hell, look at you! You're stealing Benny's wife as we speak!"

"Oh, there's the Roger I've known," she said, looking over at him. "Jealous because some girl is all over Mark and not him." Roger mock-pouted.

"Well, _I'm_ jealous because said girl is all over men and not her husband," Benny said, and Alison walked over to him.

"Aw, well, I'll always love you, honey." Roger looked at Mark, and they exchanged glances.

"Awww, well, isn't this the sweetest little thing I've ever seen," Roger said, fluttering his eyelashes. Alison gave him a slight hit on the back on the head. "Hey!" Roger cried out. "Abuse! And we haven't even spent, like, two minutes with each other! Muffy, how could you?" Roger pretended to sob as the rest laughed. April opened the door to the bathroom, and Roger looked up, a twinkle in his eye. He rushed over to her. "April, have I ever told you how incredibly sexy you look in a towel?"

"A couple times," April replied, and blushed when she noticed Benny and Alison. "Roger! How could you let me stand here in a towel when there are people present!" Roger glanced around at the three, and smiled.

"Because you're incredibly sexy in a towel." April sighed, and poked his nose affectionately.

"I would kill you if you weren't so incredibly cute."

"You mean, so incredibly hot you'd do me in a second flat." April laughed.

"That, too. Now, let me get dressed!" Roger pouted, and hugged her tight.

"But April, I love you. Especially when you're clad in a towel." April squirmed.

"Roger!" He sighed.

"If I let you go, will you wear something sexy for me?" he said, wiggling his eyebrows. April laughed, and kissed him.

"Absolutely."

"YES!" Roger threw his arms up into the air, and April hurried to his room and shut the door. Roger looked to Alison, and winked. "That's my girlfriend. She's saucy."

"I heard that, Roger Davis!"

* * *

After I wrote this, I found out that most fics don't really like Alison...and if you don't like her either, I'm sorry. I just have this certain picture in my head when it comes to Muffy, and that's it. (And yes, another opportunity to use the word 'saucy'. Because I love Roger, and he gets to use awesome words I hardly hear anymore.) 

I've been having writer's block like crazy. Please forgive me. I don't know when the next part will be up, but let's hope it's soon! You know I love it when you guys review. (And jeez! This story has been viewed 380 times. Really. Either you guys love coming back here or something. But thanks. Even though not many review, I appricate everyone for actually reading this. And the reviews get extra kudos because they review, therefore they drive me to write more of this insanity. Sooo...thanks. Really. It means a lot. Ahem.)


	7. Sex Muffin

YES, I finally updated! OMG!

Sorry it took so long. I thought this was really funny...but I wrote it when I was tired, so...please forgive me if it does suck.

(And people want to marry me and have my babies? xD I love you guys. That review made me laugh incredibly hard. Next section will be another review thank-you, since I don't have enough time to do it at present.)

* * *

April came out moments later in a knee-length skirt and a black long-sleeve shirt, since it was a little cold. Roger went up to her and immediately started to grope his girlfriend. "Roger!" she exclaimed, her cheeks turning bright red. "Our friends are still in the room!" Roger smiled. 

"Oh, you know me being all seductive totally turns you on..." he said, and then gasped. "April!"

"What?" she said, and grinned.

"You're...you're wearing shorts underneath this skirt!" Roger half-sobbed, flipping it up. Mark, Benny, and Alison all saw the biker shorts she was indeed wearing under her skirt.

"_Roger!_" she said, holding the skirt down.

"You told me you'd wear something sexy," he said, clinging to her.

April laughed, and kissed his cheek. "You never said _when_ to wear something sexy, did you?" He looked up at her, and she winked. Roger started to grope her playfully.

"God, I love you, you sexy beast." She laughed when he tried to nuzzle into her neck again.

"Alright, alright, just behave for now, okay?" Mark and Benny exchanged amused glances as Alison walked up to a still flushed April.

"Hi, I don't believe we've been properly introduced," she said, smiling. Alison held out her hand and April took it.

"Nice to meet you," April said, and Roger smiled.

"That's Muffy. Muffy, you've already seen my lovely girlfriend, April," he said, motioning to her. April glared up at him.

"Because you held me hostage in only a towel." Roger smiled.

"Oh, but you look so sexy in a towel, April baby, I just couldn't resist." Mark and Benny laughed and April gave him a little glare.

"Don't worry, he does it all the time," Alison said, and April cocked her head, blinking.

"Roger's done that to you?" Roger looked at the clock on the loft wall, smiling.

"Oh, look at the _time_! Sorry, Muffy, but April and I have to go—"

"Go where, Roger?" April asked, looking up at him. Alison grinned.

"Oh, Roger, you don't remember that time when—"

"I haven't the faintest what you're talking about," Roger said, looking at Mark and Benny pleadingly. But they stood amused as April raised an eyebrow at Roger.

"Remember that time when what, honey?"

"Oh, he just practically molested me when we were friends," Alison said conversationally.

"You know you liked it," Roger said before April lightly smacked him. "Ouch!"

"You big flirt!"

"April, honey, it was before I knew you...honestly," Roger said, hugging her. April crossed her arms playfully, and Roger made puppy eyes at her. Alison's grin widened.

"Oh, don't play that game, Roger," she said, slipping her arms around his waist. "You so wanted me back then.

Roger rolled his eyes. "Suuuure, Muffy." Alison smiled and started to grope him.

"Oh, you love it!" she said, and Roger acted very surprised and out of character.

"_Muffy_! Really! You have a husband!" Benny had to smile at the sight of Alison molesting Roger, though; way back before April and Maureen, she was the only woman. Roger would flip up her dress and always make sexual innuendos to torture her, and she was finally getting some payback.

"Fine then," she said, bored. "Mark won't mind if I ravish him."

Mark looked up. "Wha?" He started blushing madly as Alison came up and started to tug his scarf lightly. "Er, A-alison, I don't think—"

"You don't think? Well, all the better then!" Roger snickered as the poor boy was getting overwhelmed by Alison, and Maureen chose that time to strut out.

"MUFFY!" she squealed, and then stopped. "...Muffy, just what are you doing with my boyfriend?" she asked, and Mark stuttered to get out a reply.

Alison, however, beat Mark to the punch, her hand in his hair. "Oh, Maureen, didn't you hear? Marky's my sex muffin." Maureen looked at Mark, shocked.

"Mark...is this true?" Poor April wasn't in on the joke; Alison would always hug Mark when Roger would try and molest her, and say that Mark would be her protector. Benny and Collins would laugh as Mark blushed madly and Roger would say, "Really, Mark? All right then. You and me, pistols at midnight. We'll see who gets Muffy once and for all!" When Maureen came around, the same routine happened, but with a new twist. When Alison went to Mark, Maureen would jump on Roger, and say, "Well, fine! If you're going to steal my boyfriend, I'll just sex up Roger! Because we all know you looooove him." And they would mock-fight, Collins eventually breaking it all up by saying. "Alright, women, back to your men," and they would laugh.

"N-no, Maureen," Mark stuttered, his cheeks a deep scarlet. Maureen flipped her hair.

"Oh, I understand. You love me until Muffy comes along, and then you get caught up with her again!" She walked over to Benny, and hugged him. "I'll just steal your husband, biotch!" the diva yelled to Alison, sticking her tongue out. "We're going to have an affair. Did you hear that? An _affair_. A hot steamy affair full of SEX." April looked up at Roger, utterly confused and worried.

"Roger, what's going on?" she said, her tone obviously concerned. Roger just laughed and kissed the top of her head.

"Don't worry, babe, I'll settle this." And he walked between the two pairs as Alison was slipping her hands up Mark's shirt (with Mark trying to shove her hands back down and having no success), and as Maureen was saying to Benny, "You know, I've always had a thing for men with bald heads." Roger announced, "Alright! Women! Back to your men!" And so the girls parted and went back to their men. As Alison passed Roger, he flipped up her skirt.

She whirled around. "Don't make me kick you in the balls, Roger. Because I will make sure you won't be able to procreate if I do." Roger just grinned at her.

"Then we wouldn't have any fucking sexy babies, Muffy, and you know that you really do want to have babies with me and not Benny."

Alison raised an eyebrow. "Why wouldn't I want to have children with Benny?"

"Because they wouldn't grow up to have tantalizing good looks, that's why." Alison laughed and went over to Benny, hugging him.

"I'm afraid I'll just have to take the chance that my children won't have tantalizing good looks, then. Sorry, Roger," she said, and Benny kissed her on the cheek.

"That's why I love you, babe."

Roger shrugged. "Fine! April's my girl anyway," he said, and turned around to his girl giving him a stern look. "What?"

"You're flipping other girls skirts." Roger smiled.

"Baby, I would flip your skirt any day of the week." She laughed as he kissed her.

"Oh, okay," April replied. "Because you know it's been my dream for you to flip up my skirt."

Roger pouted. "Oh, but right now it's no fun because you have shorts underneath."

"I can take them off later." Roger growled playfully.

"Oooh. I'll bring the handcuffs." Mark gagged behind them.

"Okay, too much information," the film maker said, and the musician turned to raise a lazy eyebrow at his friend.

"Too much information is hearing passionate screams all night from your wall," Roger retorted, and Mark felt like his face was on fire.

Alison blinked. "Marky? My Marky, having sex?"

"I'm glad you think it's impossible," Mark muttered, but before Alison could manage an apology, Roger spoke up, as always.

"Every fucking night. You wouldn't think it, but that boy is frickin' sex under that scarf." Mark looked to the floor as Maureen kissed him. Alison smiled.

"Oooh, catching up for all those lost years, eh, Mark?"

"And then some," Maureen added, smiling.

"And for some odd reason, I've been without sex for at these, like, three days now," Roger pouted.

"Oh, jesus. Roger, God's natural sex toy, is without sex for three days?" April taunted. "The world must be coming to an end."

"It only comes to an end if I don't get fucked by the four day," Roger smiled, grinning, "so we still have time to save the world, baby."

Alison rolled her eyes. "Okay, Roger, enough with your bad sexual come-ons."

"Hey, at least they get me the sex," Roger said, raising an eyebrow.

Benny hugged Alison, and smiled. "Alright you two, let's just go get Collins already. I need someone to talk to while you verbally spar with Roger, like usual."

"Oh, you didn't know, Benny?" Roger said as they were going out the door. "All the sparring before this was actually foreplay between Muffy and I." The door shut, and if one was still inside, they could probably hear Roger cry out in protest, "OW! Muffy, you almost hit my balls!"

* * *

Some Collins next chapter, and we're on our way to the end, children. It's just several chapters away! Several. 


	8. Mary Had a Little Lamb

I'm finally getting things caught up, and this finally got some attention! Hurrah! In this little installment, you'll find SmartAss!Muffy, Cheeky!Roger, everyone obviously wants to have sex with Roger, and stories about our musician running around naked. cough Anyhoo. (Roger, being the smart-ass that he is, is just taking over this ficlet! Jeez!

Disclaimer: Oh, Jonathan Larson owns them. I just make the jokes. Enjoy!

* * *

Roger was still complaining about Alison's attack toward his private area by the time they met Collins at the Life. "Christ, Muffy, you could have castrated me!"

"I didn't know you knew that word, Roger," she quipped back.

"I know a lot of words," Roger replied. "Like Muffy's a crazy who—"

"Roger," Benny warned, giving him a sharp glare. Roger just grinned.

"I was just going to say Muffy's a crazy who-knows-what, Benny." Alison gave him a hard slap on his arm, which made the musician yowl. "MUFFY! JESUS!"

"If you would shut up, Roger," she said calmly, "then maybe you wouldn't get abused so much." Roger gave her an evil look, and then walked next to April, his head hung low.

"My poor abused baby," April said, reaching up and petting his head. Roger smiled and growled, hugging her again and kissing her neck. "Roger! Roger, we're walking, not groping our girlfriends!"

"You love it."

"Yes, but that's not the point."

"Could you stop thinking about sex for once, Roger?" Mark asked, an eyebrow raised. Roger gave him the same evil look he gave Alison moments earlier.

"Well, I don't get some every single night, Marky. Excuse my perversion." He rolled his eyes. "Besides, I'm just saying the things you're thinking. I say what everyone is thinking."

"What am I thinking then, Roger?" Mark questioned, still a sarcastic look upon his face.

Roger smiled. "That's easy. You want to have sex with me right now on the stairs." Mark blushed, and shook his head. Maureen looked to Roger.

"Okay then, Roger, what am _I_ thinking?" He looked to her, and grinned.

"Well, you want to have sex with me, of course. Right here on the stairs."

Maureen gave him a look. "That's not what I was thinking."

"Unconsciously, you were. Secretly, you all want to ravish me right here on the stairs, which I don't blame you for. I mean, look at me! Anyone in their right mind would take advantage as a guy so alluring as me."

"Alluring? Roger, you just learn new words every day!" Alison commented, and they all laughed, with the exception of the blond rocker.

"Muffy, all of this is unnecessary. I know you want me more than anyone. You're just jealous you'll never have a piece of this." Benny knocked on Collins's door while his wife and his friend faced off in the hallway.

"A piece of that? Roger, if I wanted a piece of _that_, I would have married you." She stuck her tongue out and hugged Benny, who just smiled. Roger scoffed, and held April.

"At least my girlfriend is better than your wife." Benny turned to glare at Roger.

"You mean _husband_."

"Husband? Wait...hold on...no, no, I meant wife."

Benny was about to pounce on Roger when Collins opened the door. Alison was holding back her new husband, and Roger was just making faces and holding April as Mark was holding his forehead, shaking his head and Maureen was yelling, "FIGHT! FIGHT!" in the hallway. Collins looked around, and smiled. "Well. I see the gang's all here and acting normal." He went up to Mark and gave him a hug. "Happy pre-birthday! Let's go drinking."

"A strip club!" Maureen cheered, and Mark blushed.

"For once, Maureen has a good idea!" Roger said, dodging Maureen's purse as it flew his way. "Let's take Marky to a strip club!"

"Please, no—" Mark protested, but he got drowned out by laughter at Roger mimicing a pole dance.

"It'll be fun, Marky!" he taunted. "Pretty woman flashing you who aren't Maureen! A man needs a little variety sometimes, you know?"

"My boobs are FINE." Maureen said, pouting. "In fact, they're pretty fucking good if I do say so myself."

"Yes, but Mark's only be exposed to one pair in his life. He needs to see a mixture of breasts to see which kind he likes."

"He likes my boobs!" Maureen protested, latching onto Mark. "Don't you like them, Pookie?"

Mark's face was beet red. "Uh, y-yeah, I like them."

Roger rolled his eyes. "Muffy, flash the poor boy."

"WHAT?" Alison said, putting her hands on her hips.

"Flash him."

"NO!"

Roger pouted. "Please, Muffy? We'll compare your knockers and Maureen's."

"Get _April _to flash them," she said, glaring at him.

"Oh no," Roger said, hugging April tightly. "Those are only for my eyes. If Mark saw them, he might try and steal her from me." He motioned to Alison, letting go of April. "So go ahead, Muffy, take it off!" He then started to mimic a 70's song. "Here, I'll start the music. Wah-kachicka, wah-kachicka, wah-kachicka—"

"Can we just get going?" Mark blurted, his face red and burning.

"No!" Roger protested, sticking his ground. "I'm not beat-boxing 70's music for nothing! Someone has to flash Mark!" There was a small silence until Collins walked up and lifted Roger's shirt up.

"There," the professor said as Roger yanked his shirt down, "now someone's flashed Mark. Shall we?" Everyone else laughed insanely while Roger pouted.

"Collins! You shouldn't have done that! Now Mark's going to fall in love with my hot body and leave Maureen for me! What am I going to do?" Roger said in horror, putting his hands to either side of his face.

"I don't know, Roger," Collins replied. "Maybe you should just be a stripper already. Get money for your 'hot body'," he added, making air quotes as he said 'hot body'. Roger walked beside Collins.

"Would you pay me money, Collins?"

"If I was really, really drunk."

Roger drew back in mock offence. "Collins! Why not? You're gay! Am I not hot?"

"Roger," Collins said, putting his hand on the musician's shoulder, "I've seen you naked too many times already. I don't need to pay to see something I've already seen countless times."

April looked up, and pretended to pout. "Roger? Are you flashing Collins your penis when I'm not around?"

"Baby," Roger said, giving her a peck on the cheek, "I would never."

"He was drunk," Collins explained. "Mark and I dared him to run around the apartment building naked."

Mark laughed. "I remember that. He ran around the loft a few times before actually going outside."

"Yup," Collins chuckled, "and gave us a little dance too to 'I'm a Little Teacup' when he came back."

"Roger?" April asked, trying her best not to haul off and laugh right then. "Did you do that?"

Roger sulked. In a small voice he answered, "It was 'Mary Had a Little Lamb', not 'I'm a Little Teacup'."

Alison and Benny almost fell down the stairs. Maureen and Mark were in tears, hugging each other so they wouldn't fall. April and Collins were crying in laughter. Roger pouted. "You guys can all kiss my ass." Everybody stopped laughing, and then in unison began to sing 'Mark Had a Little Lamb', and Alison and Collins started to do a fake striptease as they went down the stairs. Roger flung his arms up. "You are all ASSHOLES! Every one of you! Fuck you! Fuck you all!"

"Roger, it was a nice dance," Mark added, wiping his eyes.

"I was impressed," Collins said, nodding. "Did you strip professionally once or was it improv?"

"Suck it," Roger said, sticking his tongue out, and walking fast to go out the door. They continued to dance behind him and sing all the way to the strip club.

* * *

Ah, so I suppose the next chapter is a strip club? Heh. I love it. 


	9. Bar With No Name

Ah, the strip club. It's pretty crazy, and I'm not totally happy with it. But once we're back at the loft, things will get funnier, promise!

And much love to everyone who reviews! I know it has no plot...but that's the fun part about it! Hah!

Disclaimer: I don't own 'em, I just write.

* * *

When they actually got in the strip club, Collins was nice enough to calm everyone down and stop the singing. "Collins, have I told you how much I love you lately?" Roger said, batting his eyelashes.

"Well, I know when we get drunk you're gonna tell me about twelve times over," the teacher said, flashing him a smile.

Roger shrugged. "I like to love people when I'm drunk. What's wrong with that?"

"Well, when you start dancing around and giving people lap dances," Alison replied, "that's a little wrong. Especially when you have a girlfriend."

The musician stuck his tongue out at her. "You love it, Muffy. You love me giving you drunken lap dances because it's fucking HOT."

"Oh, I'll make sure he's tame," April reassured her, holding Roger's arm and giving him a little look as they walked further away from the entrance. "Where are we anyway, Collins?" she asked, and it was Benny who answered.

"Where Collins and I used to go a long time ago." He winked at April, and Roger made a face. "It's called Bar With No Name."

Mark rolled his eyes. "So when I asked them where they would go, they would always tell me, 'Oh, just a bar with no name', and wink at each other." He glared at both of them. "And they knew it drove me crazy."

"Have you been here before, Pookie?" Maureen asked, cocking her head at her boyfriend curiously.

"21st birthday," he replied, and glanced briefly at the now-empty stage. "Roger gave me play money to pay the strippers with." As Roger started to snicker, Mark gave an icy-blue glare to the rocker. "He thought it was pretty damn funny when the manager started to chase me around, demanding real money, and I kept shouting that it was real money."

"Mark didn't know Roger had bought as much play money as he possibly could from the Dollar Tree in the closest mall," Collins specified, "and then said he was going to let Mark have his savings to spend on the strippers."

"You put money in some stripper's thong!" Maureen said, giving the Jewish boy a punch on the shoulder. Mark shook his head, blushing.

"Roger took the liberty of doing that part," Collins mentioned, and April glared at Roger, who merely smirked. "We eventually got chased out of this place and by the time we came back, they had forgotten about the incident. Luckily."

"Hey, we all got out okay, didn't we?" Roger said, and Benny, Mark, and Collins all looked at him.

"I was forever scarred because that was my first strip club experience," Mark said.

"I got drenched in beer that day because the manager punched me in the face for being with you," Collins added.

"The best strip club back then, and I got kicked out of it because of YOU," Benny scowled.

"Well just EXCUSE ME for putting more excitement into your boring lives!" Roger said, throwing up his arms. "We're not getting kicked out right now, are we?" He looked at them all.

"Hold me back," Benny muttered, "before I punch Roger's lights out."

"Pfft. Who says that anymore, Benny? You lame ass." Roger grinned as Benny was restrained by Collins and Alison. "HAH! Punch my lights out?" he taunted, that smirk on his face. "You couldn't even touch me, Benjamin Coffin the Third. I'm unbeatable, anyway! Think you could take me on? PSH. I would kick your ass in a second." Collins and Alison both looked at Roger, then each other.

"Kick his ass, then, Roger," Collins said, smiling, as the two let go of Benny. Benny grinned, and Roger pouted.

"Guys, you're not supposed to actually let him go. You're supposed to hold him while I taunt."

"Come here, you fucking asshole," Benny growled, and leaped at Roger, who merely dodged out of the way, and laughed, smacking Benny's cheek.

"Bitch slap!"

"ROGER!" Roger ran, laughing, as the rest of the group watched them as they bounced into various people and waitresses.

"So, ladies and Mark," Collins said, grinning, "shall we take a seat?"

* * *

"He totally ish smexy," Mark slurred. They had more than a few drinks, and it was looking doubtful if they could walk home like this.

"Psssssssssh," Maureen said, waving her hand. "Yeash right. I don't think Brad Pitt could COMPARE to the smexy, smexy Denzel Washington." Maureen sighed, all of her motions exaggerated. "I would totally do him in a shecond."

"No, no," Mark replied, holding up a drooping finger to make his point. "Brad Pitt would totally rocksh anyone. Have you seen hish movies?" Mark sighed, leaning back in his chair with a loud thump. "Fight Club ish one of the best movies eva."

Maureen smacked him. "PLEASH! Denzel could kick his ASS. I means, you look at Much To Do 'Bout Nuffin? He wash HOOOOOOOT. Hotter than Brad Pitt ANY DAY."

"Meet Joe Black wash HOT," Mark argued, slamming his drink on the table.

As Maureen and Mark continued the pointless argument of the sexiest man between the two choices, April and Collins were having a contest on who could drink the most shots...and make the empty shot glasses into a pyramid. So far, Collins was winning. "I've got chu beat," he muttered, smiling.

April growled, "I-I'm gettin' there." She downed another shot, and placed it on the top. "Collinssss," she uttered, "I tink I'm almost done. It'sh...I dunno." It was then that Roger came up from behind her.

"Ooooh, hey, sexay girl," he said, clumsly knocking his head into hers. "What are you doing?"

"About to pass out," she said, rolling her eyes.

"Wanna dance?" he asked, smiling, and she shook her head slowly. "Awwww, why not? It'll be fun, I promise," he said, and April shook her head again.

"Roger," she said, patting his cheek, "look atsh me. I'm sooooo drunk right now." She pointed to the small pyramid of shot glasses. "I mean, c'mon. I'm druuunk."

It was then that Alison decided to get up on the bar and dance. "I can be a stripper too!" she slurred, wiggling around and lifting her shirt to expose her tummy.

Roger let out a loud whoop, and Collins said loudly, "Maybe you shouldn't do thats, Alison!"

"I'll do whateva I wanna!" she screamed back, and Benny smiled at her.

"That's my wife! That's my wife!"

Mark and Maureen looked up for a second, and then Mark looked back to his girlfriend, pushing her lightly on the shoulder and frowning. "Brad Pitt wins the smexy contest." Maureen screeched something loud and high, and Collins and April looked over to the two, blinking.

When men starting giving money to Alison for yelling to the whole club she was going to take her cra off under her shirt, that's when the manager decided that was enough. "I'm sorry, ma'am," he said sternly, "but that's the reason I have girls taking off their clothes, to make ME money. Now if you could please leave..."

Benny sneered. "But you only _wish_ you had my hotness of a wife stripping for you." Alison wrapped her arms around his neck.

"Only for chu, baby. I only strip for you."

"AND ME!" Roger yelled, grinning. "She strips for me behind your BACK!" He stuck his tongue out at Benny, who blinked and paused for a moment, then ran at Roger again.

"You take that BACK, Roger Davish!"

"MAKE ME!" Roger said, and then proceeded another drunken chase.

Collins sighed. "Let'sh go. I mean, we betta go just 'cause." April nodded, and swayed as she got up, Collins helping her. "Mark? Maureen? Come on."

"BRAD PITT, DAMMIT!"

"DENZEL'S THE FUCKING SMEXIST MAN EVA!" They continued along these lines out the door, and Collins made sure to grab Alison right before they went out.

Roger ran out a few moments later, tripping and stumbling, while Benny followed shortly after. "YOU COME BACK HERE, BITCH!" Benny yelled, waving a fist.

"You're da bitch!" Roger lamely taunted back, running into Mark and Maureen as he backed up. "Whoop! Watch out for that first step!"

"What the HELL are you talking about, Roger?" Maureen slurred, slapping him out of the blue.

"OW!" Roger yelped, and sobered up a little. "You WHORE!"

Maureen let out a banshee-like scream. "You're the WHORE!"

"You are!"

"You are!"

"BITCH!"

"SLUT!"

"HUSSY!"

"STRUMPET!" Maureen screeched before pouncing on Roger, who promptly screeched himself. She started to punch him, but considering her alcohol consumption, she wasn't doing much damage. Collins and a very confused Mark helped tear them apart, and the group staggered home.

* * *

Roger leaned against the door as Collins tried to open it. "You won't open it."

"Fuck this key," Collins muttered. "Fuck this door."

"Fuck!" Mark cried out merrily, and Collins turned to glare at him a moment before going back to open the door.

"You won't open it," Roger said again, a smile on his face.

"Then _you_ try opening it, you drunk bitch," Alison said, and Roger raised an eyebrow.

"Don't make me hurt chu in yo sleep, Muffy."

"You wouldn't dare."

"I'm like a snake I'm so sneaky," Roger replied, grinning, hissing.

"You're druuuunk," Alison said, sticking her tongue out at him. Roger kept hissing.

Collins opened the door. Roger fell on the floor, half-yelled, half-hissed, and said, "Fucking mother fucker," then passed out. A moment of silence fell on the crowd. Benny then walked in the loft and shrugged.

"It's Roger." Then they all murmured agreement, shrugged, and walked over Roger. They all attempted to get some water or eat something...and quickly passed out on or by the couches. Whatta night.

* * *

Had some fun? Reviews are love. Next is Mark's birthday, bweehee! 


	10. Birthday Hits and Turtle Boxers

ZOMG I'M ALIVE. And I come with a chapter! Thank god! It's been crazy with all the challenges I've been signing up for on my communities, and eventually I will probably post them up here sometime!

Hope you guys enjoy! I know I totally enjoyed writing this. Hee.

Disclaimer: Jonathan Larson owns these babies, I only put them in crazy, plotless situations.

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Mark awoke to something smothering him, and started to thrash in panic. Oh jesus! "I'M DYING!" he screamed in a stunned, still-half-asleep shout, and opened his eyes. Black and white stripes were all he could see, and for a second he thought, 'OH CHRIST I LOST MY VISION!'

Then common sense came in, and Mark recognized the pattern of his scarf. He shoved it out of his eyes, and found he was still suffocating. "Good morning, sweetheart," he heard a voice say, and then the scarf in his face again.

The smaller boy gasped for air. "Roger. S-sitting on my stomach. Can't b-breathe," Mark stammered, and struggled to get out of Roger's grasp.

Roger just smiled. "Okay, Marky, but only because it's your birthday." As the musician got off the blond, Mark grinned.

"Yeah, that's right. It's my birthday!" A small, happy grin stayed on his face until Roger hit him in the face with his scarf. Mark sputtered, "What the hell—"

"You're twenty-two, Marky?" Roger said, a mischievous grin forming on his face. Mark slowly nodded. "Well, that's twenty-two hits with the scarf then!" Roger wrapped the scarf around one hand, and Mark scrambled to get away.

"NO! No birthday hits!"

"You can't break tradition, birthday boy!" Roger said, quickly getting up to stop his roommate from getting away.

"Last time, you decided to dunk my head in the bathtub twenty-one times, and then one more for good luc—OW!" Mark yelped as Roger snapped the scarf, hitting him in the small of his back.

"If you would just hold still," Roger laughed as he chased Mark around the couch and chairs and sleeping people, "it would be over quickly!"

"I DON'T WANT TO GET HIT AT ALL!" Mark yelled, running to the kitchen.

Roger followed, that evil smile on his face. "Well, you receiving your birthday hits are in the cards, Mark. It's fate! You can't escape fate!" he added, whipping Mark again with the scarf, acting like it was a towel in the boys' locker room.

"COLLINS!" Mark yelled, and yelped again as Roger tackled him.

"Gotcha, bitch!" Collins grumbled slightly as he awoke, rubbing his eyes. He looked up, and saw Roger on top of Mark, hitting him with the scarf, and Mark trying to resist but without much success. For a few second, Collins gave them a stare until rubbing his eyes again.

"Not the first thing I need to see in the morning." He closed his eyes and rolled over, his head throbbing a bit from the night before. Mark kept yelling and Roger just kept hitting him.

"...Wha going on?" April mumbled, looking over to Benny sleepily, only because he was right in front of her vision.

"Mark screaming. Roger...doing something. Don't really wanna know," Collins responded, rubbing his head a bit.

April looked over to the boys, and raised her voice, "Roger! You doing something bad over there?"

"No, baby! I'm not doing anything!"

"Why are you on Mark?"

"...We're having SEX, April."

"NO WE AREN'T, APRIL!" Mark made sure to yell, only to get whapped in the face again.

April nudged Maureen. "Maureeeeeen. Maureeeeeeeen, get up."

"What is it?" the diva muttered wearily from her sleeping spot. "This better be worth waking up for."

"Mark and Roger are having sex," April said, smiling as Maureen's eyes opened wide.

"WHAT?" she shrieked, and looked over the couch. "ARE YOU HAVING SEX WITHOUT ME, MARK?" Maureen yelled, the sound echoing off the walls of the loft.

Roger grinned evilly. "Oh, we're so doing it, Maureen," he said, wrapping the scarf around Mark's mouth. "He said that sex with me is better than whatever he's done with YOU."

Maureen let out another ear-piercing shriek that awoke both Alison and Benny. "MARKY!" she said, and went to pounce on the boy, but Roger took him away.

"Oh NO. Not before I give him the twenty-two hits with the scarf for his birthday." Maureen pouted, then smiled.

"Can I help?" Mark's eyes widened and he looked to Roger, shaking his head. If there was one thing worse than Roger repeatedly smacking him with the scarf, it was Maureen and Roger ganging up on him. And he didn't like the tone of Maureen's voice.

"Sure!" Roger said, and then made a little pout.

"What's wrong?" Maureen asked, and Mark looked up, both curious and scared.

"...I can't remember how many times I've hit him already."

Mark eyes widened. "Like, fifteen times at least, now get off!" he said, squirming under Roger, trying to escape.

"Mark, I think you are lying." He let out a sigh. "Guess we'll have to start all over!"

"NO! NO START OVERS!" And so with Roger sitting on top of him and Maureen keeping his arms pinned to the ground, they hit him twenty-two times with the scarf. By this time, Benny and Collins were somewhat awake as Roger called out, "And one more for good luck!" and whapped the poor boy right across the head.

"You know," Benny said, "this looks like a really wrong threesome."

"You never know," Collins said, raising an eyebrow. "I mean, Maureen could really have the hots for Roger and Mark's just in it for the ride."

"Or Roger really likes Mark and kind of forced his way into the relationship."

"Or Mark can't decide."

"Or they just really like having sex—"

"OKAY, that's enough!" Mark yelled from his spot on the floor. Collins and Benny laughed as Alison groaned and rolled over.

"What, Pookie?" Maureen pouted. "You don't like the idea of that?"

"What the fuck, I'd be great in a threesome," Roger said, poking Mark's nose.

Before Mark could answer, April yelled out, "Yeah, sure you are."

"WHAT? I AM."

"That time I bought that guy in—"

"Hey, that's not fair," Roger interrupted. "He kept smacking you on the ass, and that was a bit too much. I mean, APRIL. The guy was a freak."

"...You mean that dark-haired guy with the ponytail?" Maureen asked, thinking. "...I'd do him."

"Maureen. You're not helping me," Roger said, giving her a little glare. "That guy was...greasy. April, I don't know where you got him from, but he needed to take a shower."

"You're just picky!" April said, her red head popping up from behind the couch.

"Am not!"

"You totally are. 'Oh, he's too greasy!' "

Roger opened his mouth to comeback, and then paused. "Hey. I don't sound that girly."

April grinned. " 'Mark, get away from my fucking guitar before you break it! And get that camera out of my face!' " she mimicked, laughing.

"Roger?" Mark gasped. "Off...chest...please?" Roger promptly hopped off of Mark's chest, and while the filmmaker took a deep breath in, Roger pounced on April.

"April, come on over and give Mark a birthday...smack or something." He grinned, motioning over to the blond.

"Oh, he's escaping!" Collins yelled in an amused voice as Mark scrambled to get off the floor.

"WHAT? Where are you going, Mark?"

"I have no pants on."

Roger smiled. "I always said those turtle boxers look good on you, Marky."

"SHUT UP."

"Aww, we're all semi-dressed anyway, Mark," Benny prodded. "Join in the fun for once."

"You do when you're drunk, at least," Roger quipped happily.

Mark blushed. "Look, can I just get through my birthday with clothes on, please?"

"...Maybe," Maureen said with a smile.

"...At least with pants on."

April laughed. "But you look so sexy in boxers."

Roger hugged April's head to his chest. "Damn you, Mark Cohen! Preying on innocent women like that prancing around in your boxers!" Mark stuttered while Roger continued on, "Go! Go put pants on right now before your charms start working on Muffy!"

"Mmmf?" Alison answered from her spot on the floor. Mark glared at Roger and turned to go into his bedroom. As he walked, everyone let out loud wolf whistles.

"MOVE THAT THING, MARK!"

"Shake it like you mean it, Marky!"

"Catwalk, baby!"

"We should nickname you 'Hot-Ass Cohen'!"

Mark didn't think his face could get any more red as he slammed the door behind him, the rest of the gang laughing merrily.

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Finally at the actual birthday-day! Next should be the cake and all. 33 Review for some love and shiny cyber-cookies! 


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